I don’t know why I put myself through this. I spend every minute that I’m with her feeling like I’m being played. She doesn’t ever seem like she wants to be with me, like she’s stringing me along. She’s a tease and she knows it tugs on my heart every time she smiles. I think it’s to get back at me. You know, the ulitmate revenge. To make me fall in love with her again and then to break my heart. I need to keep myself pulled back, but it’s so hard. I need to be aloof and just be there for her. Whatever happens, happens I guess. I guess at times with her I kinda think “well i could probably jusitify that it’s ok that we didn’t get married.” And, I couldn’t imagine my life without her a few months ago.. now I’m getting more and more used to that idea as a reality. I want her to love me like she used to, I want to be able to love her like I used to. I don’t know what I want from her anymore.

It’s been 303 days since you said goodbye… and I’m still bleeding.